City of Broken Hearts
by Kalarella
Summary: "I thought I made you feel unsettled." "It's been so long, "he said simply, "that I think I was unsettled by the idea of feeling like I belonged anywhere. But you made me feel like I belong."


Author's Note: Okay, this is the first time I have ever published a story, I'm a little nervous. I wrote this in 2 hours last night really tired. Hopefully it isn't horrible.

Disclamer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, unfortunately.

City of Broken Hearts

By Kalarella

"_I thought I made you feel unsettled."_

"_It's been so long, "he said simply, "that I think I was unsettled by the idea of feeling like I belonged anywhere. But you made me feel like I belong."_

The words kept replaying themselves over and over in Clary's head as she was trying to ignore Luke's snoring and fall asleep. It had been weeks since Jace had spoken those words, and yet she kept coming back to them. They made her feel both elated and heartbroken. At the time she had brushed both feelings away and blurted out her idea for Jace to come to the hospital to visit their mother.

_Their mother_. What a horrible concept! She cringed at the thought, as she did every time. How could they possibly be related? It was a cruel, twisted joke of the Angel. Brother and sister. They did not even look alike, how could they be related? Jace is tall with curling golden hair, piercing gold eyes, and an extremely toned body. _Me on the other hand, _Clary thought, _I am short, with a carrot top, freckles and no curves, chest, or anything beautiful. There is nothing similar in our features at all._

Clary shook the thought away. She was just being stupid. Valentine had admitted that they were both his children, no matter the fact that they looked nothing alike. This was just her way of trying to justify their feelings for each other; or at least her feelings for Jace. There was no saying that Jace felt the same way about her.

_But he said that I made him feel like he belonged, _Clary agonized. _That must mean that he feels the same. That when we are in the same room, he feels my presence as I feel his, that his chest tightens, breathing becomes shorter, and heart expands to painful levels just as mine do._

What other way was there of looking at it? If he feels like he belongs now, how could he not feel the same? How could he not be in love?For that matter, who is to say we really are related? Only Valentine has acknowledged that for sure, and it is not like he did not stretch the truth and lie on Blackwell's Island. _Maybe he was lying about me and Jace being related_.

Clary's breathing sped up as she thought about the possibility. If this was true it could change everything. _If we are really not brother and sister we could be together. There would be nothing standing in our way. No guilt. No shame. No horrified and curious looks from Simon, Isabelle, Alec and even Luke. After all it is not like anyone has completely bought our story that nothing happened between us. Simon especially thinks it is a load of shit, especially after he caught us outside my room at the institute. And Luke, he was there for our moment on Blackwell's Island, where Jace and I held each other and he kept whispering my name._

Clary sat up suddenly, her body completely on fire just remembering that moment. She felt Jace's breath on her neck, his voice in her ear, whispering her name in such a heartbreaking tone. Almost as if it was a prayer and a curse combined. She felt his heat through their layers of clothing and could feel all of his muscles as he leaned into her, seeking comfort.

Clary got out of bed and began hurriedly putting on clothes. She had to see Jace. If they were not related there was nothing to stop them from loving each other and she could not fathom the idea that they were related. It made no sense! If they were related, they would not have these feelings. Even if they were related, so what? Who did it matter to? It was their own business what they did. She certainly did not feel very sisterly toward Jace, and if that kiss was anything to go on, he did not feel very brotherly. _You made me feel like I belong_, he had said.

Clary grabbed her stele and raced out of her room; tip toed by Luke on the couch, picked up her jacket and headed out the door. For a moment she hesitated there. _What would Luke think if he woke up?_ Clary dismissed this. _I won't be gone long; I just have to see him._

Clary hurried down the street thinking about seeing Jace. She thought about his strong jaw, his golden eyes, soft curling hair that was so silky to the touch. She thought about his slim, muscular body, his intensity, his thin lips that could twist so cruelly or twitch into that sexy smirk or could smile in that genuine, gorgeous smile of his. She imagined looking up at him with all of the love shining in her eyes for once, twisting her fingers into those silky locks and kissing him until her breathing sped up, heart raced, and she felt as though she would burn from his touch alone.

Clary was halfway to the institute when she stopped again. _ Its 2 o'clock in the morning, maybe I should wait to talk to him. _Then another even worse thought came into her head. _You made me feel like I belong_, he had said to her. What if he did not mean that in the way that she had thought? What if he meant that now that he knew he had a sister he knew he belonged somewhere? What if once he found out they were related, he realized he did not love her the way she loved him? What if all he felt was a brother's love for his sister and not the aching, burning lust and love she felt for him? For that matter, if they were really related, how could she just knock on his door and proclaim her love for her brother? Would he look at her with disgust? Clary did not think she could take that, to see Jace looking at her with loathing would break her heart.

_I cannot go to the institute now. What would I say? Oh, hey Jace, I know we're siblings and all, but do you just want to ignore that and kiss me? Yeah, right._

Clary remained frozen to the spot, trying to blink away tears. There was no way she could go to the institute and proclaim her undying love for her newfound brother. There was also no way she was going home again to either be faced with Luke or to more of these thoughts racing around her head instead of sleeping. _Simon?_ No, there was no way she could tell Simon that she was in love with Jace, _her brother, _especially knowing how Simon felt for her. _Isabelle? _ No, she would only scoff, be disgusted, and brush it off. But who did that leave? _No one, _she thought glumly.

_Well, there's one person actually._

Half an hour later found Clary climbing the stairs to the institute and standing in front of the one door she had never thought of going to before. _This is stupid, but if there's anyone who will understand how I feel, he will. After all he loves Jace too, and knows he cannot have that kind of relationship with him. _

Clary took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door, then again slightly louder. She heard a groan of the bed, a shuffling of feet and then the door slid open to reveal a tall boy with black hair and eyes that were barely slit open.

"Hey Alec, "Clary said softly. "Can I come in, I didn't know where else to go."

He blinked at her a second, then nodded looking extremely confused and stood back.

"Clary? What's going on? Are you alright? Is Jace?'

Clary bit back a sob and looked away so he could not see the tears in her eyes at hearing Jace's name. "He's fine, don't worry. I just-I need-I don't know who to talk to, and this is probably the last thing you want, me here in your room, and you'll be disgusted with me and hate-"

"Clary, stop. Tell me what is going on." Alex said, plopping down on his bed and patting the spot next to him.

Clary took a deep breath and sat.

"You remember that conversation we had, that argument before we faced the Greater Demon and you got injured?"

Alec nodded and with a wry smile said, "Vaguely."

"Y-you remember how I said something about you loving Jace? I'm not trying to bring up bring up this to hurt you or anything, I swear I have a point!" Clary said quickly. "Anyway, I figured you were the only one I could possibly talk to about this who might understand."

Clary paused to gauge Alec's reaction. He looked thoughtful and fairly confused, but thankfully not angry.

"You were the only one I thought might understand…loving someone you are not supposed to love, who you know you cannot be with, and who cannot love you back in that way." Clary said softly, looking intently into Alec's eyes with tears filling her eyes.

Alec looked completely shocked, but also as though he knew where she was going with this.

"I am Jace's _sister, _Alec, _his sister, _and I love him. I love him more than I should." She said, the tears beginning to flow. "I love him so much that the idea of being his sister and only his sister for the rest of my life and watching him with other girls, falling in love, _getting married, _breaks my heart. And I know I shouldn't love him, but I do. How am I supposed to keep going, to be around him, knowing that the only thing I can ever be is his sister; that the only way he can ever see me is as his sister. I can't imagine being with anyone else, loving anyone else or having him be with anyone else! How am I supposed to stand it?"

Clary finally stopped when she could no longer talk through her sobbing or see through her tears. She felt Alec reach out and pull her to his side and then pull them both so they were laying together against the headboard, with her lying on his chest, with his chin on her head.

"I understand, Clary. I really, really do. Jace is my brother too. He may not be my blood brother, but he is my brother still. We have lived together since we were ten and we are _parabatai._ In many ways I am more Jace's brother than you are his sister. You never grew up together, and never would have found out if not for Valentine. And I more than anyone understand loving Jace."

He paused and Clary finally stopped sobbing, and looked up at him.

"Thank you, Alec. I thought you would be disgusted with me. I mean it's like if you loved Isabelle the way I love Jace…"

They both shuddered at the thought.

"It is nothing like that Clary. You and Jace have never seemed like siblings to me. It is still strange to think about. The only thing even remotely similar about you and Jace, other than being shadowhunters, is your ability for sarcasm and to put him in his place." Alec remarked.

Clary let out a shaky laugh at that.

"But what do I do?" Clary asked plaintively, stifling a yawn.

"Nothing. What can you do? I have asked myself that question every day for way too long to think about. A relationship between _parabatai_ is even more forbidden than a relationship between siblings. You just have to settle for the relationship you can have with him, or risk losing him altogether. And we both know neither one of us could handle that."

"I know. I just wish there was some way…"

"I know, Clary."

They lay in silence like that for a while, reveling in the fact that someone else understood how they felt so completely. It was hard to believe that after their rough beginning, they could have so much in common that they were laying here talking about their love for the same boy. At the same time, Clary felt so much lighter than she had before she talked to Alec. Now she knew that even if she could not be with the boy she loved, at least she had someone she could talk to about it, who understood exactly how she felt.

"How are you feeling, Clary?" Alec asked softly.

"Still heartbroken, but lighter somehow. Like even though there is no way to resolve this problem, at least I have someone who understands and who I can talk to."

"Me too." Alec said, yawning.

"I'm sorry for waking you up and dumping this on you. I should let you get some sleep." Clary said, making to get off the bed.

"It's fine Clary. I am glad I could help, and I am glad I have someone I can talk to as well. Why don't you just stay here tonight? It's too late to go across the city again."

"You sure?" Clary asked, already settling in again.

"Yeah, go to sleep."

And with that, Clary and Alec drifted off to sleep together, their hearts both a little lighter.


End file.
